Thursday, June 25, 2009

Linda Blair meets Absolutely Fabulous

So, I watched a gay exorcism on the web tonight. Pastor Patricia McKinney of the Manifested Glory Ministries Church and Jesus tag teamed that gay guy and pushed the gay outta his sinful body.

Now, 2 things I have always been fascinated with are religion and sexuality. One for having been exposed to it throughtout my entire life via gatherings, community reinforcement and the constant societal pressure to participate and the other because it's a religion.

Religion fascinates me as a non-believer. In my head, I cannot "come to God" as I cannot logic the existence of God out. I do not put faith in things as faith is ignorant of the odds. Things do not happen as the result of a master plan. If they did, I apparently was a "Friday at 4:45pm" plan. Like a Mike Brady architectural design, I was cookie cutter and surrounded by Astroturf.

That leads me to human sexuality. As a card carrying member of the heterosexual cabal, I have no issue with gays. I don't understand why anyone would have an issue with homosexuality. It's not exactly threatening to, umm, anyone. I have yet to see the bomb squad deployed to diffuse a gay couple mid coitus (please don't rail me with the dictionary definition). Nor have a seen terrorist training camps full of suicide fuckers. It's benign and natural. Hell, the couple next to me that has loud sex once a week, with the women screaming "Aye papi, dame lo que quiero" is just as dangerous(Although I do condone loud sexual encounters with foreign language spoken, I do not condone that language being German).

I've also never understood why heterosexuals struggle so much with things that do not intrude on their own sexuality. I can say with absolute certainty that I will never have a homosexual experience. I am not wired that way. Therefore, whatever is done in front of me, around me, behind closed doors, in my neighborhood or in a zoo, will not change me. I was always attracted to women and always will be.

So, to bring this full circle, the belief that there is a master plan for everyone is incompatible with the belief that homosexuality is a choice, or even a demon. If you believe in a plan, then sorry. gays were part of the plan. Even demons are part of the plan. If they weren't, it would be a shitty plan and would at least need a new project manager.

Blindly accepting your fate should extend to blindly accepting others fate's.

As one who does not accept fate, I believe its just how we are wired. Although I have not been successful in finding love, I would never begrudge another that accomplishment. I am a romantic and I believe in the connection. If you connect with same sex partners, then more power to you. I am happy for you. After all, barring a psychosis, we all long for a connection. Connections produce more than babies. Connections produce deep friendships, feelings of contentment and a warm euphoria that wilts your fears and excites your senses.

I love that feeling. I wouldn't deny that for another.

So, if you need to believe in a plan, it should be understood that the plan is all inclusive.

These aren't demons, but people who have the same basic wants that you do.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

DNA for the LCD

I was arguing with a pseudo-intellectual on a website today. Reading the bloviated rantings of a self esteem victim, when I had an epiphany. Inbreeding can lead to faux intellectualism. Normally we associate bedding a relative with flipper babies and causing toothbrush companies to market to the Blue states and this is true, for the most part. What ISN'T talked about is how royal families, well to do families and intellectuals fucked each other to foster a "better breed".

What this has resulted in are book smart creatures with MAJOR psychological issues. They will postulate these grandiose theories on how life works and pontificate on it, all the while they curl up like an armadillo when put into a social situation. They often resemble the classic inbred creature as well.

What do you do when you meet these creatures? Here's 5 steps to getting out of there with your pity intact.

1. Do not look them straight in the eye. It will make both parties uncomfortable and open up the possibility of being stalked by a needy, high ranking D&D Wizard with a million experience points

2. Do not discuss politics with them. They will try to convince you that their world view is the only one. This is true in their universe, but since they don't understand human interaction at a base level, they will not grasp the concept of other people.

3. Avoid computers at all costs. Don't speak of them, don't go near one and DEFINITELY don't speak of a computer while you're near one.

4. Hold the laughter to a minimum. Even if you find them funny, don't laugh. Trust me, the needy psycho stuff is there under the surface. When it comes out, it will unleash a fury upon you like Mongolians to a wall in China.

5. Do not bring up hobbies or interests. This will invariably lead to items 1-4 happening.

Please use this knowledge to avoid the inbred intellectuals. Your free thought will thank you for it.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Stalked, bothered and placing blame where it lies.

So, I had a call from someone whom I don't really care to associate with anymore. Thinking that this person would realize her mistakes and act cordial, I picked up the phone.

Colossally dumb mistake.

Instead I was greeted with the usual derision, was the target of blame and somehow the conduit for all that is evil in her world. This was the "normal" call that I get. Continuing the patterns of a junkie.

Now, as I sit watching the sequel to the Leon Isaac Kennedy blockbuster, Penitentiary, starring L.I.K, Mr. T and Ernie Hudson as hardcore Geoffrey Rush, I realize that the blame game doesn't stop with the addict. Truth is, I blame myself. My anger has been over letting her into my life. I saw signs and ignored them. I trusted where there should have been a vacuum. I loved where there should have been none given. I invited this into my life, now I want it gone.

I can't blame the addict for my problems. She was a daily function of existence. A happening in my life. Instead, I need to recognize that I have problems. Defects in my personality that cause me to seek a fixer-upper. I take on people's problems to find a cure. Problem is, that cure is not real. It's a panacea for a disease that doesn't exist. I am not the Jonas Salk of the broken people.

I have to go now. There are a bunch of women with big asses on screen that are distracting me.

Sunday, June 7, 2009